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Yes, again, I haven't written in a while.  I have good reason this time, though.  I had the flu for a few days, and couldn't fit in the time or energy between sleeping for 13 hours and puking.  Again, sorry for the delays!

Well, something of a recap to start with.  No music for now.  The recorder I have available to me only records in RA format, and for it to stream, it needs to be in RAM format.  Don't ask me, I have no idea what the difference is.  I've been recording a bunch of Mp3's, though.  Greg gave me a copy of this nifty shareware program that allows you to rip CD's.  It's kinda nice to have all my fav's at the comp on random, and not have to switch disks.

This nice little gift from nature that's laid me up for the last few days has given me a lot of time to think about things that have been happening recently.  One thing in particular comes to mind, having to do with Sunday...

Sunday was a pretty usual day for me, to start with.  I woke up, did some things around the house, and left to pick up my son.  I'd gotten to spend Saturday afternoon with him, which was great.  We went shopping, got some dinner, and came out to my place to eat.  We were watching cartoons, and both fell asleep on the couch, with him cuddled under my arm.  It felt great!

Anyways, I walked into his mom's house, and there were a few of her friends there.  These are guys that I knew, and used to be friends with, but just don't associate with anymore, due to their lifestyles being a little, how should I say......against the legal grains of society.  This being a lesson I learned a long time ago, I tend to stay away from it.

Well, her boyfriend is, apparently, in jail at the moment, for what I have no real idea.  I think it's drug related.  Otherwise, she would never have this many people over at the house.  Her way of 'the cat's away', so to speak.  I did the usual upon entering the house.  I told her hello, tried to be sociable, and smiled my most artificial smile I can muster.  Then Jason runs across the hallway in front of me, smiles, and my words stick in my throat.  My vision goes red.  Here's my 3 year old son, running around in this house, dirt all over his face, wearing nothing but a diaper (like usual),  and half an extinguished cigarette hanging from his childish grin of excitement.  I was speechless.

I didn't know what to do, or say, or even think.  Then, he runs into the living room, to the delight of Cassie's (his mom) guest's enjoyment.  They all start chuckling, saying stuff like 'Don't he look cool?'  'Isn't that funnier than sh!t?'  All I could think.....

Get him out of this house.

He threw a tantrum when I took the cigarette away, and put his clothes on.  I faked putting it and a Nascar lighter he was trying to pull of the counter into his coat pocket, to calm him down.  They both ended up in my pocket.  I couldn't believe it.  Here, I'd been thinking, all this time, that she was really taking good care of him.  The most disgusting part of the whole thing is, what can I really do about any of it?

I have no job, at the moment, I live with my mother, I have no insurance, basically no ground to stand on, if it ever came to a legal battle over custody.  That was the worst part of the day, knowing that he'd have to go back to that house, and that woman.  I'd have to wonder, every day, what is he doing now?  Is he in danger today?  If this cigarette thing happened again, what if he lit it?  I know that at 3, I wouldn't have known to put the damn thing out, if it made me choke.  I would have dropped it, and turned away from it, leaving it smoldering on the carpet.  I think the point of my concern needs no further explanations.

I'm at a loss.  I'm so worried about him now.  I want so much to just get out of this house, leave my mother to fend for her own crippled self, and take my son away from his mother, keep him with me, and protect him.  Hell, I wouldn't mind seeing his mother locked up for it, also.  She'd been reported to social services before, by her sister, to no avail.  They had her sit and watch a 20 min video one morning, and sent her back home.  If it would've happened only once, I'd understand.  But after the 3rd time, you kind of realize that they're really not going to do anything TOO drastic.

I love my son with all my heart.  He's what keeps me wanting, and willing, to live my life, one painful day after another.  He's the light in my darkness.  The joy in his eyes lights up my existance.  I've uploaded some pics, so you can see for yourselves.

How can anyone do this to my child?
 
 

As always,

Life is in the air.........