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Well, this was the weekend of drink and merriment and the club again, and I overdid myself a little.  It was fun, but I must remember how much it hurts in the morning next time!

I can tell, though, that the loneliness is creeping up on me.  I'm starting to even ACT desperate when I go anywhere.  It's sad.  All I can do is ask myself, 'I'm not THAT bad, am I?'  To which I usually can't honestly tell myself no, so I end up kicking myself for even opening my mouth when I talk to a female.

You know, the saying of 'It happens when your not looking for it' really isn't all that true, and shouldn't be counted on.  I was perfectly content for the longest time to be single, not answer to anyone, and not get into the same bullsh!t I've been in for the last 5 or 6 years.  Nothing happened to me then.  No one seemed interested in me in the slightest.  Now, I'm really looking to get into a relationship again, and still nothing.

What am I doing wrong?  Is it my cologne?  Does my breath stink, and no one's been forward enough to say anything?  Am I that much of a retard in the world of the dating game?  I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, and with that, yes, comes those lovely little insecurities we all love so much.  What's wrong with me?

I hate that phrase.

The one that really holds me back, I think, is my open sexuality.  I'm just as comfortable talking about how nice it would be to get laid as I would be if it rained on a warm evening.  Is that so wrong?  It's not ALL I think about.  I'm a guy, though.  I thought we were allowed!

They say the average adult male thinks about sex in some way, shape, or form over 200 times a day.  To that I reply, 'No, I've only thought about sex once.....I just never stopped!'

Again, it's not ALL I think about.  I mean, isn't it better that I just SAY it, instead of trying to get on a woman within five minutes of meeting?  I am a very sexual male (okie, a hornball).  I talk about sex as a way of releasing my sexual frustrations, so I DON'T try to get into a woman's panties on the first night.  Although, a one-nighter doesn't sound too awful right at this point in time!  lol

Yes, it would be nice to have a little fling right now, but that's not all I'm looking for.  Maybe my standards are still too high.  I don't want to 'settle', if you know what I mean.  I don't want to settle for the first thing that comes along.  I want to be picky.  I have the right, I deserve to be.  It may not get me anywhere, but for the time being, that's fine with me.

Hell, what am I worried about, I still have my hand, right?  lol  See what I mean about the openness?

I know, that was pretty weak, but hey, it's my journal.  I have a right to be now and again.
 
 

As always,

Life is in the air.........