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I was looking at a picture of my family today, one that was taken when I was only about 6 or so, and I keep wondering to myself, "Where did it all go wrong?"

To start with, years ago, when I was only about 2, my parents divorced, and I was left in the custody of my mother.  Both of them remarried, and I've grown up with the idea of 2 moms and 2 fathers.  There's mom and dad, whom I live with, and then there's mom and my Father (my step mother and biological father).  That's always how I designate, since my dad has been more of a father to me than my actual father.  He's the one that I used to get into fights with, punished me when I needed it, and supported me and my family.  That is, until recently....

My Dad is self employed, and is gone on the road a majority of the time.  It used to be alright, he would be gone for the week, and come home every weekend.  He was always the clown of the family, usually getting us to laugh so hard that our sides would hurt.  This was also usually due to the 3 or 4 Rum & Cokes he'd have, which as a child, I didn't notice.

A few years ago, my dad was unfaithful to my mom.  He was gone for extended periods of time, not just the usual weeks.  She found out by a friend of the woman's, and confronted my dad about it.  He, like most guys would, denied it whole-heartedly, until he was backed into a corner with it.  (Can we say Clinton?)

Anyways, things seemed to get somewhat back to normal, although my mom never really let go of what happened.  My dad started to come home more often, and things seemed to get better.

About a year or so ago, my dad started to be gone longer and longer, until now, we may not see or hear from him for 2 to 3 weeks at a time.  Things have slowly started going downhill between my folks, and it's really worried me.  It's especially hit my younger sister hard, not having her father home.  She has started to resent men and relationships in general, just from seeing how our parents' has turned out.  My mom started seeking counseling, for herself, which is a very good thing.  She's opening her eyes to a lot of things that she would have, previously, just taken with a grain of salt.

My mom has become more suspicious of my dad's actions lately, however.  Seeing him making phonecalls from payphones, and not having a phone # to contact him at while he's out on the road are just a couple.  Just this weekend, however, things took a serious turn for the worse.

My mom saw a business card of his with a number on it that she didn't recognize.  She went to get something to write it down on, but by the time she did, it was already gone.  My dad, of course, disspelled it, and said that the # was just to an answering machine.

She called directory assistance, and found that there were two numbers in that town with his name.  The first, she called, and found that it was an answering machine, as he'd said.  The second had his name, and another person's that my mom didn't recognize.  She called that number, and a woman answered the phone.  It was a residential number.

This has started a slew of thoughts burning through her mind, of course.  Is it all happening again?  Anymore, I don't know what to expect from things.  I won't make any judgements either way.

All I know is, how can he even act like this with his family?  I really hate seeing how it affects my sister, and even more so how it affects my mother.  I love her with all my heart, and she's just to the point of breaking with all this added stress.  I just don't understand how a father could treat a family that he should love and cherish like a vacation spot, to go to and see at his leisure.  I've lost so much respect in him that I can't even stand the thought of staying around the house when he's home.  I just go see friends all weekend, just so I don't have to be a part of that heartache.

I don't know if their marriage will survive, this time.  I can only hope for the best for my mother and sister, and hope that my dad wises up soon, and stops taking the loving family that sits here waiting for granted.

Life is in the air.........