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Well, today started some very significant changes for my life.

Annie, as I've said, is 'seeing' another guy, and it's difficult for me to let go of what we once had.  We shared a long talk last night, during which I told her that if she's not going to hold on to our relationship, then neither can I.  It was difficult at first, but I'm trying my best to be supportive and happy for her.  I feel that, as her friend, it's my responsibility.  Or, maybe I'm just buckling.

She also wants to include her new 'friend' in an activity that a close circle of our friends shares every Sunday.  This started a fight.

"But it's my life too.  I want him to get to know about me and what I do."

"I understand that, but I can't deal with it this soon.  I need some time.  If he shows up, I'm not coming.  It's not that I won't, but that I just can't.  I would ruin it for everyone else.  It would depress the sh** out of me."

"I don't think the others would mind."

"I don't care if they mind or not!  I'm not going to bring this up to them.  I have no right to make them choose."

"Well, alright.  Not this weekend, then.  I'll give you a little time."

This is how the fight ended, which I believe is a big step.  She said it very reluctantly, but I think she understands.  Understanding how each other feels, and trying to be giving to each other is really important for us, if we're going to make this friendship work.  I'll see how far it flies this time, and hope that it's not an isolated incident.

It's still hard, though.  I care for her, but that caring hurts too much to act upon.  All I know is, no matter what, we're going to be friends through this, at least on my end.

I also called my friend, Jen, from Georgia.  We couldn't talk long, as her son had just come home from being with his father for a few weeks.  The more we talk, the more I find we have in common.  She's very intelligent, and very understanding.  She says that she's spoiled, and that she can be a real b*tch.  I don't see it.  All I see is a very cool person to talk to, that I wouldn't mind getting to know on a more intimate level.  Not just physical or anything, but closer.  If she didn't live so far away, I know I'd bring it up.

Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll have a chance to meet her sometime.  It would be great if it did happen.  I hate to bring up any talk on a more 'deep' level, as far as relationships, or love.  Maybe I'm too afraid of scaring a friend away.  I don't want her to think I'm a stalker or anything.  She says I can call her at work, which makes me a little uncomfortable.  I don't want to affect her job.  She's very animate about it being alright though.  Yes, it does bring my hopes up....

I've found that meeting someone online really opens up a whole new avenue of getting to know someone.  There are no pre-conceived notions, and no misunderstandings.  All you have is conversation, and the person's mind.  It's great to get to know Jen, and how she thinks and feels.  Again, she's a very good-hearted and honest person.  Maybe I'm getting carried away, or wrapped up in the moment.  I just know that I want to be cautious, and not get any hopes up.  She has a lot to deal with also, with raising her son and everything.  I really admire her for her dedication.  But, now I'm babbling.

It just suprises me how things work out.  As some things come to an end, other new things come along to replace them.  It helps, knowing that there are no voids, and that life never stops dealing new hands.