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I'm sorry, I know this isn't on the same lines as the last two entries, and that story WILL be continued, but for right now, I have to vent a little.  (here it comes)

Well, tonight was Mike, Justin, and I's 'guys night out'.  You know how it goes, a bunch of guys get together, drink way too much, and drool over everything that walks through the door that carries a pair of tits with it.  Well, tonight was no exception!

There was the usual, my Smurf's Blood, the hitting on women, the old cheap lines that have been used in more movies than in real life.  Like I said, the usual.  It wasn't the night at the club that brings me to writing this evening, it's what happened afterwards.

We've gotten this nifty little routine where after the bar, we go and grab food from the Subway on the way to Mike's apartment.  About two weeks ago, I saw someone working there that I haven't seen in about a year.  Her name is Abby, and her and I used to be extremely close. 

I used to, a few years ago, have this extreme personality conflict, and I thought I should get back into my 'roots' (don't ask me why).  I studied a lot about the German culture, and history, and I found something that I always found very interesting.  The German soldiers (not the Nazis) used to give their loved ones 9mm shells for luck on a safe and speedy return home.  This idea fascinated me.  I've always had a flare for the dramatic, and this just seemed to follow suit.  So, I picked 3 friends to receive them.  The other two lost theirs shortly afterward, and since then, we've all just kind of grown apart.

Tonight, as I was talking to Abby (or whatever you can call what I was doing, I was so damn drunk!), she brought up the fact that she still had hers.  This kind of caught me off guard, but I shook it off as not much of anything.  I'm very attracted to her, and I've always hoped that she felt the same, but was too chicken-sh!t to say anything.  I flirted around a little, and went outside to smoke a cig with Justin, leaving Mike inside.

As I was told later, the conversation started a little about her current boyfriend, whom she doesn't completely trust.  Mike asked her why she would stay in a relationship where there was no trust, and she just replied that she didn't know, but that she was tired of always getting crapped on.  He asked her about me, saying that I was a trustworthy person, and her response really caught me.  She told him that I was the only guy that ever treated her decently, but every time she wanted to come find me to give it a try, she found that I was with someone else.

Now, I'm at a loss.  Here's something that I never thought would happen.  Someone, that doesn't live over 500miles away, that appreciates a decent guy.  As I've said, I've gotten really used to the single life, I'm enjoying it.  It's also very lonely.  I find myself sitting around the house trying to think of numbers to call, just so I know someone's out there.  I think a lot of that has to do with the schedule that I keep, but I think you understand.  I'm also terrified of going through all the bullsh!t again.  You know, the beginning, get-to-know-you sh!t.  Do I really want to open myself up to the kind of hurt that Annie and Rena put me through?  I'm not really sure, yet.

I care about Abby more than I care about most women, and she's not someone new that interests me, or that I just seem to get along with pretty well, like the others that I've been attracted to lately.  She's someone I know, and care for very deeply.  I worry about her when she's hurt, and I give her a shoulder to cry on when she needs it.  We've always had a great time when we were together as friends, and that's another thing that frightens me.  What if it doesn't work, and I lose a very close friend?  I'm supposed to go see her at work Mon night, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers!  I figure, if it doesn't happen, I haven't lost anything.  Hell, she's such a kewl person, she'd probably give me a little sh!t about it, and then move on like it never really happened, in a way as to not rub my nose in it.  I don't want to lose my newly found ambiguity!  LOL

I know, my life is a soap opera.  What can I say!  :)  I'll keep you updated.

As always,

Life is in the air.........