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I know, I know!  'OH MY GOD, TWO ENTRIES IN A ROW!?!?!?!?'  I feel the need to write, and so I'm going to babble for a short, just to vent.

I was reading through the entry I put up a few days ago, about me not feeling 'alive' anymore.  I realized something about that.  I was only alive, because I didn't care if I was or not.  Have you ever completely taken something for granted, and then almost loose it?  Have you ever become paranoid afterwards?  I think that's where I've gone wrong.  I have become paranoid about losing what's important to me in my life.  The problem with that is, I'm so afraid of it, that I can't enjoy the other things that mean just as much to me.

Ever since my Ex-wife (a real psycho-slut, I'll have to devote another entry to her at a later date) left me, I have been deathly afraid of the people close to me leaving.  Maybe that's leftover psychological sludge from my biological folk's divorce.  Who knows.  I've just noticed a pattern.  The people that I feel might or will leave, I hold very close, almost obsessively.  The people that aren't going anywhere, and I know it, I end up taking for granted.

Hell, I've been fighting for something that took me not giving a rat's ass if I had or not!  Define irony.

I hate that feeling.  You know, the one you get right after you figure something out that's plagued you for a long time, and in the end, the answer is right damn there!  I feel like a bad Simpsons episode.  'Doh!'

Well, my venting wasn't that bad tonight.  It's just nice to have some actual GOALs figured out.  Therefore, I am vowing not to give a damn if I live, die, or become a hermit, for all I care!  hehehe  Man, that feels better already!

As always,

Life is in the air.........