You showed me a door, a door to a dream world.
A door, that I walked through willingly.
A door that promised me all the answers to life, like Alice I dared to go.
I walked through with trust, hope, and the fantasies of “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”.

Now as time has passed, the dream world has become a nightmare.
A nightmare I chose to not awaken from.
A nightmare that reality, circumstance and life are trying to shake me from.
I don’t want to rub the sleep from my eyes.
I don’t want to wake up!
What about the dream I was promised?
The dream!  The one I have held on to for so long.
The one I have given my soul, my mind and my heart to continue.

Where are you?
You invited me in.
You walked through the door with me.
When did you let go of my hand?
When did I start to walk alone?

I need to wake up!
If I wake up what will be left of the dream?
Only the cobwebs in my mind?
The webs that for so many years entangled me.
The webs that I clung to and weave with such care.
The webs that now entangle me with stifling security.
Will you stay in the cob webs, if I knock them down?

Life continues to shake me, shake me until my teeth rattle.
Shake me until I no longer can sleep.

Do I want to wake up?

Life leave me in my sleep!
My sleep of fantasy, my sleep of denial, my sleep of safety.
Sweet sleep, sleep of dreams and promises.
Promises to precious to let go of.
Promises to dear to throw away, bag them up and take out like yesterday’s garbage.
They are used up, destroyed, tainted, they are like the rotten liquid in the bottom of the garbage can.
Liquid that I want to ignore.
I don’t want to smell the stink!
Make it go away!

Life won’t let the stink go away.
So here I am.

It is time to let go of the dream, time to wake up.

Time to clean decaying liquid out of the garbage can.

It is time to wake up!

I can’t ignore the stink, can’t ignore the shaking, the shaking from the smell, no matter how pungent the odor seems.

Time to walk out of the door, and rip away the cob webs!

Lock the door behind me and throw away the key1

The sun is shining outside of the door.

I will take on the sun, as I shed the stink of this dream world.

I won’t get burned again, because the world outside, outside of the dream world, the fantasy world that I have lived
in, is gone, burned away like the fog, the fog that will never stay.
The fog that burns away, with the mid-day sun.
The mid-day sun that always comes.
The sun of reality, the sun of awakenings, the sun that no dream world can shade me from.

My world for today will be reality, where the sun will burn tomorrow, burn with promise, burn with hope, and burn
with the knowledge of uncertainty, uncertainty that I will face, face with adventure, face with strength. 
I will inhale the sweet smell of today, with all I can give.

Fantasy is not the door I choose to open again.  It will remain closed.  Locked up tight, locked with the cob webs. 
Fantasy can knock, but I won’t answer.  Not until my name is Cinderella, Snow White, or Sleeping Beauty.
For they are the only ones that can survive in the fantasy world.
The world I walked in for a time.

Written and felt by:
RoadWidow